What I Want

Well...
I want to be happy... cliche, I want to not have to struggle for anything, I want to have my girlfriend whom I love by my side. Those are the things that come to my mind when first asked what I want. It's so rarely asked that I never really think about it. I supposed it's something that should be on the foreground of my thoughts but the truth is I get so wrapped up in others and other things that I forget about myself. As far as career goes, I think I want to be psychologist. Then again I've changed that so many times. I just don't want to get stuck.
As far as for me as a person, I want to not be as angry, I want to not be so "go go go" all of the time. I want to mellow out more. How do I do this, is it even possible? Can one change themselves simply out of will? I don't know if it can be done or by me for that matter because I've put conscious effort into changing things and they still haven't changed. I can think all day, "hey mellow out some," but when it comes to the times that matter my head isn't thinking about that. It's selfishly having some stupid emotion opposite of what I want. This is a problem that has the potential to to make me lose someone so dear to me I would feel like a widowed love bird. That would truly be a horrible thing, not only because it would be almost the end of the world for me but it's slowly hurting her inside. Slowly pushing her away and making her more detached all the while. Is it enough, when do I say I'm never going to get better and ask her to move on for her own good? Or does love trump that, that's what I want to believe, that despite my small problems I'll get over that and It'll be ok because she understands it's a work in progress. I don't know but I need to figure it out soon, whether it's chemical or not because the truth is that it is hurting her and it is pushing her away. I am going to attempt to see a psychiatrist and possibly counteract the neuron misfirings in my brain causing my anger to be amplified. I hope all of this works. For my own good...